


Wendy vs. Turner

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: Cartman's "help me" phase, F/F, F/M, Heidi's "no ur probably not" phase, Stan and Kyle's "we have no idea what to do" phase, Wendy's "am i gay" phase, Wendy's gang: wtf is even happening, warning: this portrays heidi as an actual human being
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 05:17:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12741759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Wendy realizes she spends a lot more time with Heidi Turner nowadays, much to her own suspicion that she may have feelings for Heidi. Heidi quickly disproves this in an unforeseen act of kindness.Warning: There are spoilers for Season 21 Episode 8 "Moss Piglets".Edit: got Heidi and Bebe messed up at some point. Oops.





	Wendy vs. Turner

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in less than 2 hours. This is loosely connected to my other South Park story, which I'm thinking of making just a collection of oneshots where I explore a bunch of relationships.
> 
> So.... ORIGINALLY I wanted to do a TimJim fanfic but then the spotlight turned out to be heavily focused on Heidi, which inspired this fanfic. I basically wrote Heidi as another Cartman, because that's what happened to her in the show. I enjoyed writing it.

Wendy and Heidi are waiting alone for the bus. The other girls stopped coming because Heidi was being “too much of a bitch” nowadays to even stand within 5 feet proximity of her. They began to carpool to school today instead. Wendy, being more stubborn, refused to inconvenience her parents just because of Heidi. Or, that’s what she kept telling herself. In truth, she was intrigued by Heidi’s new attitude despite the initial horrified disgust.

“And so this bitch was looking at me the entire time so I’m like ‘EY! YOU THERE! YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH ME’ and she had the audacity to tell me that the dress probably wouldn’t fit me. I immediately started crying to the manager and got that chick fired. Hahaha I got the last laugh in the end- WENDY! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME!” Heidi snapped when Wendy began to space out towards the end of her story. Wendy snapped out of her bubble and looked around alertly.

“Sorry, I didn’t get much sleep last night. I dozed off,” Wendy apologized. Heidi scoffed.

“Did you hear _any_ of my story?”

“Yes, you got an innocent employee fired for making a reasonable suggestion,” Wendy answered with an accusing tone implied in her voice. Heidi scoffed.

“Yeah, that’s fat shaming,” Heidi added.

“Do you even know what fat shaming is?”

“Well, bitch was being rude to me because of my weight. Is that not fat shaming? How dare she judge MY life style!” Heidi yelled.

“I don’t even know why I still take the bus to school in the mornings when I have to deal with you,” Wendy said out loud, not giving a shit that she was insulting Heidi in front of her. Heidi deserved to be insulted, in her eyes. Wendy felt angrier everyday she spent with Heidi. Heidi’s anger dissipated from her rant and she began to observe Wendy curiously.

“I… don’t know either,” Heidi said, suddenly suspicious. She squinted her eyes, as if trying to make something clear. Wendy felt chills down her back at Heidi’s analyzing stare but tried to push down the feeling of familiarity.

The bus then arrived and they promptly sat in different seats and didn’t interact with each other for the rest of the day. Wendy purposely spent her lunch at the library to avoid Heidi.

* * *

 

The next day was weird. For once, Heidi hadn’t shown up at the bus station. Wendy looked around once, twice, then appeared confused. Heidi ALWAYS took the bus. It was her only method of transportation to school since her parents went to work extremely early. Maybe Heidi decided to play hooky, which didn’t make sense either since Heidi went to school primarily to make other people feel miserable. Maybe Heidi got sick. But then again, that didn’t stop Heidi from trying to make the best out of her life from inflicting pain unto others.

Then, Wendy stopped herself. How did she know so much about Heidi? She flippantly thought back to the number of times she gossiped about Heidi to others and the times she spent WITH Heidi. She alarmingly realized that Heidi actually took up a huge portion of her mind nowadays.

“Holy shit,” She said out loud to herself.

“Oh my god…” Wendy began to inwardly panic. She really hoped Heidi wasn’t coming now, not when she was having a gay crisis. Oh god, is this what Stan felt?!

“No, no ,no this is not happening…. I like boys. I LIKE BOYS!” Wendy fell to her knees, hands shoved in the snow.

“Yeah, you like boys. We fucking get it?” The bus driver said, aloof. Wendy blushed red when she looked up to see the school bus had already arrived without her noticing. She got up slowly and hurried on the bus, lest the bus driver try to drive away without her.

She sat in the front seat and curled her legs to her chest as she watched the scenery outside the window, spacing out once again.

* * *

 

During lunch, she sat with her usual gang of girls. They were all whispering to each other.

“Hey Wendy,” Bebe greeted.

“Did you hear the news?” Red inquired. Wendy, tray in hand, shook her head. What news? What was going on?

“It’s Heidi. She broke up with Cartman,” Nichole said.

“What?” Wendy asked in shock. That doesn’t make much sense though. Heidi was the one manipulating Cartman in the relationship. Heidi confessed to this once when she had been the lone person to go to her birthday part out of pity.

“I know, right! I was expecting Cartman to break up with her but he was kind of being too much of a pussy to do it. But in the end, she did it for him!” Bebe mused.

“I’m glad, sort of. Their relationship was kind of toxic and it made me feel BAD for Cartman for once,” A girl with strawberry blonde hair admitted.

“I just don’t understand. Why would Heidi break up with Cartman? It doesn’t make any sense, she was the one using him in the relationship!” Wendy exclaimed. All the girls looked at each other and shrugged.

“I don’t know but I guess I’m glad that it’s over with. I just hope Heidi can start becoming her old self again,” Theresa said.

The girls ate their lunch in silence, not having any other insight to offer on the situation. Wendy, still deep in thought with her mind racing, decided to ask one last thing on the matter.

“Girls, how much do I talk about Heidi with you guys?”

The girls looked at each other, the answer written on their faces.

* * *

 

“Hey Stan,” Wendy went up to Stan and Kyle, who were talking to each other near the slide.

“Oh, hey Wendy,” Stan responded, a little caught off-guard. Kyle waved but made no effort to greet the black-haired girl.

“I need some advice on some personal stuff going on in my life,” Wendy stated. Stan’s eyes widened.

“Uh… should I…. like leave you guys alone or…?” Kyle awkwardly suggested.

“No, you can stay if you want. It’s just… well… I…” Wendy felt herself go a little red.

“Wendy? Wendy what’s wrong, you’re kinda scaring me!” Stan had never seen Wendy be like this before.

“I think… I might be gay…” Wendy squeaked in a small voice. Kyle took a minute to take in before bursting out laughing.

“Kyle!” Stan scolded his boyfriend. Kyle just kept laughing, though.

“That’s great, Wendy! How’d you find out?” Kyle asked, in between his dying-out chuckles.

“I think I have a crush on Heidi Turner,” Wendy said. Kyle immediately stopped laughing.

“W-what?” Stan immediately looked highly concerned for Wendy’s mental being.

“I don’t know, okay! I just… my behavior has been erratic these past weeks and I think Heidi might be the cause of it,” Wendy rationalized. Kyle looked disgusted. Not because Wendy was showing signs of being a homosexual, but rather that the person that was in question was basically a Cartman clone.

“Wendy, you _can’t_ have fallen in love with Heidi. She’s literally Cartman but in female form!”

“I never said anything about being in love with her!” Wendy exclaimed, appalled a little.

“Well… I don’t really know what to say. I mean just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I know what to do in this situation. It was easy for me to hook up with Kyle since yknow we were both single and best friends already so…” Stan trailed off.

“Oh my god, you’re both useless,” Wendy put her face in between her gloved hands.

“I say forget about Heidi and try to have a crush on someone else? I don’t know why you’d have a crush on her when there are much hotter girls in the school,” Kyle pointed out.

“I guess…? But I don’t really feel anything for anyone else but her,” Wendy replied, a little glum about the entire ordeal.

“Hey, Wendy. Trust me, you’re going to get through this, phase or not. We’re with you,” Stan put a comforting gloved hand on her shoulder. He hugged her but it didn’t have the same feeling as they did when they would a couple. But it was still affirming to her. Stan pulled back and put a protective arm around Kyle.

“Yeah, Wendy. We’re with you, even if I don’t like Heidi. This is healthy for you to get out,” Kyle said, with a thumbs up. Wendy smiled at the couple.

“Thanks, guys,” Wendy said, feeling a little better.

* * *

 

Later in the day, Wendy was at home working her math homework. Then, she heard a knock by the door.

She opened the door, to reveal Heidi.

“Heidi?” Wendy asked, wondering if she was seeing an illusion or if the actual Heidi Turner was standing in front of her.

“’Sup, bitch?” Heidi welcomed herself into Wendy’s home, comfortable shoving her ass on the couch’s seat in a spot that she seemed accustomed to.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to discredit your theory that you might be a fag,” Heidi casually answered. Wendy began to stutter angrily, blushing a deep red.

“How do you know about that!” Wendy tried to turn away from Heidi, embarrassed to the point where she was within an inch of dying from humiliation. Heidi let out a short snort at Wendy’s reaction.

“Nobody told me, if that’s what you’re asking. I’ve just simply gotten good at reading people, which lets me manipulate people into doing what I want. It’s a skill I picked up from my ex-boyfriend,” Heidi clarified. Wendy flinched at the mention of Cartman, her face still burning.

“You’re not gay. You think you might be, but you’re not.” Heidi bluntly stated.

“How do you know? You think you know me better than myself?”

“Again, reading people. Think about it, Wendy. You didn’t give two shits about me until after I started becoming more like Eric. Now, suddenly, all you ever did was gossip about me and hang out with me just to fight with me every god damn time. It’s obvious that you’re trying to use me as a substitute for the real subject of your sexual tension,” Heidi explained. If Wendy didn’t think she could feel any more humiliated, Heidi certainly proved her wrong.

“Oh my god, are you accusing me of having attraction to you in response to being attracted to Cartman?”

“Bitch, are you denying your feelings for that fatass? It’s so fucking clear to everyone that you two clearly have some kind of oreo fetish together or some shi-“

“S-stop!” Wendy shouted, putting her hands to her ears to block what Heidi was saying.

“Oh my god, this is exactly why all the guys turned into fags. No wonder that Stanley boy decided to turn to that jew instead of you,” Heidi pinched the bridge of her nose with her two fingers in frustration.

Heidi walked up to Wendy, put her hands on her shoulders and with a strong grip turned Wendy to face her.

“YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR CARTMAN,” Heidi yelled in her face, shaking Wendy.

“Why are you telling me this?” Wendy asked, suddenly tired.

“I broke up with Eric for you. Not because I want to start being a lesbo or anything, but so you can get a fucking clue,”

“But… why would you do that?”

“Because,” Heidi started. She paused then looked thoughtful for a second before sighing a very Cartman-like sigh.

“Look- you-you’re the only one who’s ever nice to me anymore. I know it’s because I’m like a replacement for Eric to you and you would want to spend time with a girl who acts exactly like the guy you have sexual tension for. But you still made me feel like I wasn’t god damn lonely all the time except when I’m with my boyfriend who obviously doesn’t want to be with me anymore. Like at my birthday party. I send out invites to all the kids in South Park and nobody showed up but you. Not even my hoe of a boyfriend came,” Heidi revealed. Wendy was in shock, she had never seen Heidi look so vulnerable.

“You gave me a pack of double-stuffed Oreos for my birthday. I don’t actually like Oreos but I know you got them for me because you know Eric loves those things. I’m just happy that someone actually fucking cared in this shitty little town,” Heidi finished, sitting down back on the couch, a little embarrassed that she was admitting to any of this.

“Wow. I didn’t realize that someone like you cared about that kind of stuff,” Wendy sat down next to Heidi and looked like she past the embarrassment and more trying to comfort the girl.

“You should go to him,” Heidi blurted out.

“Cartman?”

“He’s not doing well with the break up. God, I hate how he always depended on me. He’s like me but he’s more fucked up when it comes to emotions and bullshit like that. I think he really needs someone like you right now, Wendy.” Heidi got up and began to walk out the door.

“Wow, Heidi. Uh… thanks for coming over and telling me this. I just… I don’t really want to know if I want to hook up with Cartman,”

“Look, Wendy. Don’t even deny it now, you like the guy. I get it- you’re afraid because you think he’s a horrible guy but you don’t need to get to second base right away. Just… be friends with him? Anyways, I’m going home I’ve wasted enough time here trying to convince you how much of a not-fag you are. Also, I mailed back the double stuffed Oreos because god I can’t stand those things. I guess that’s one of the things me and Eric could have never bonded over with,” Heidi winked at Wendy, before going out the door.

Wendy was left speechless and mind blown by the conversation. Her unusual behavior in the past month had been explained in the span of twenty minutes. She felt like she was going to puke yet she felt satisfied having everything been clarified.

She thought about her “friendship” with Heidi and how in the end, Heidi truly did sacrifice a lot for not her own benefit, but for Wendy’s. It felt like it was too good to be true, but Heidi seemed genuine in the conversation.

Wendy began to wonder if it was Heidi’s old self still living in the shell of the new Heidi. Then she pondered if that little side of kindness had always been present in Eric, just always hidden like in the angry fat mess that was the new Heidi Turner.


End file.
